Shainne Hostalero

One year ago nasa Baguio ako, at nung taon bago pa. Madaming tao pero malamig pa din. Naglalakad, tipong kahit saan makarating. Ngayon, nasa bahay lang ako. Nanonood ng mga balita - yung iba hindi makauwi ng Baguio at ng ibang probinsya dahil sa rally ng mga drayber at kundoktor. Sana makauwi na sila. Quota ako sa pagpunta sa Baguio ngayong taon dahil sa dating trabaho. Parang yung lugar slows you down. Parang nirerelax ka kahit alam mo sa sarili mo na hindi ka relaxed at stressed na stressed ka talaga. Madaming memories ang nandun sa Baguio - memories na hindi romantic; memories ng moving on at letting go at mga sobrang ginaw moments. Naalala ko, mga three years ago siguro, nasa Baguio din kami ni Emily; namomroblema siya sa pag-ibig; ako din yata, namomroblema ako kasi ayoko ng pag-ibig. Pareho kami ng problema pero magkaiba. Weird. Pero ganun talaga. Last year nasa Baguio din kami. Maginaw. Madaming tao. Pero iba yon; kasi wala kaming problema ni Emily. Wala kaming ginawa ku

2016, where do I begin? Almost everyone has claimed 2017 to be theirs already. Hmm. Does it work on a first-dibs-basis? If it does then I'm out. Nevertheless, I'm planning 2017 to be more fun and fruitful; I'm choosing it to be like that and somehow, I can't wait. 2016 wasn't perfect... at all. Up until now I'm still being tested and I'm still pushing through the hardness and harshness of this year; though there have been a lot of unexpected great things occurred along the journey, I couldn't be any happier; if I may just say. I had to make tough choices in life - career move, residence, unusual places to explore and a lot of different people to interact with. Some might not be my choice but okay. A lot has changed from the past year. Some might not be that wonderful to think of; some are good and taught me a lot of good things. Each of it serve its purpose. I had to be stronger, I guess; and somehow I managed to be one eventually. 2016 might not

Last month of 2016! I'm completing my research proposal for my course in grad school. Konti nalang! I still have a few courses to conquer, pero konti nalang. Gusto ko grumadweyt na hindi. Gusto ko kasi magastos hehe saka gusto ko na magturo; ayaw ko kasi beyond the gastos, it makes me to retain sharp or make me sharper (?) either. There's something about studying that vacates your negative mind even though the universe says otherwise - do not be so positive so you won't expect. So?! E ano? As I'm down to finishing my last requirement for the semester, I'm feeling nostalgic. I maybe not the same person when I first entered grad school. I feel broad. I feel that I accumulated more in life but not monetary. Education is a good investment, sabi nga nila. I do believe it now. It made me understand words more, made me stand up stronger for what I know because I know it's the right thing. It's different all throughout, it tighten me up and braced me to reach

This isn't quite new to me. I started cutting my hair (super) short since last year and started to have various hobbies when I get bored. But, perhaps this one is different because I'm thinking of maintaining it; eventually owning full-time this new things. And no, I'm not brokenhearted. I'm at a very good state as of the moment. What I've realized is that we do not need a new year to craft something new and we don't need to be in the trend to do what we actually want. Hair I cut my hair because I'm already tired sweeping hairs from my unit's floor from time to time. I've been dyeing my hair for 4 years straight now and it got ridiculously dried up. I've thought that maybe my hair need some overhauling and to have it deep black again (my original hair color). It's easier to manage now though I look like 8 years younger; but it's good, it's not going to be obvious if I'm stressed out. It's true when they say ang gaan ng f

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along... as per the lyrics of the song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. It's true, though. It's really not rainbows and butterflies; it's not always happy and perfect. There will be really times it's going to be awful, it's going to irritate you, and probably think to just quit and call it all off. By that time, you have to re-think. You're just human; maybe quitting can be your resort to end stuff but then think further. Dude, she told you she's hard to be with, right? So, you have taken her in and you know the turf. She's managing your expectations of her. I know, I know, you think highly of her at times, but don't ever forget that she's human too. She can be upset, she can be irritating, she can be mad, she can be anything worst she can ever be. She's entitled to some emotions as much as you. Maybe you said things you didn't mean, or things you mean but w

Sabado sa UP. Tapos na yung ulan. Pumunta kami sa Vargas Museum. Tahimik dun katulad ng dati. Mas may feels  siguro kasi kakatapos lang umulan tapos hapon na rin. Parang bang iba yung pakiramdam. Masayang katahimikan kumbaga. Hindi ko ma-explain eh. Basta.  Madalas ako sa UP dahil sa mga requirements sa Masters at mga ganap na dinadaluhan. Paboritong lugar kung saan pwedeng pulutin ang sarili. Kung saan pwedeng hanapin ang sarili kahit na alam ko naman na wala ang sarili ko dun. Iba lang. Madalas ako sa UP lalo na pag wasak ako. Wala naman gamot dun para pampawala ng sakit ng nararamdaman pero pag uwi ko galing dun parang okay naman na ako. Hindi na masyadong masakit. Konti nalang. Parang may magic. Parang yakap ng lola ko.  Sabi ko dati ayoko na pumunta lang sa UP at magmuni-muni kapag wasak ako, gusto ko yung masaya ako o yung hindi ako nag-aalala. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi yun sa sarili ko dati. Sabi ko ayaw ko na ma-hurt bes! Gusto ko pupunta ako dito maligaya ako.  Ku

The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud I've read a lot of books in my life; and I'm reading quite a ton in the last 2 years, which by the way, good to be shared here. Every book I read is different and creates a big impact to me as an individual in all given characters - a daughter/grand daughter, a partner, a friend, a career woman, to name a few. Words make huge sense to me as always and sometimes books can verbalize and interpret my emotions for me - especially the ones I'm having problems about. In this book, The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud, it showcased my pertinent emotions; especially the ones I don't acknowledge or even recognize. The book helped me and support me to re-shape my mind and my whole being eventually realizing good forms and notes to take in. I might have to do this in two (2) parts as I want to concentrate on the sections that really mattered to me whilst I was reading. It says... Your well-being depends on your brain, you

Our relationship isn't perfect and probably isn't the most convenient at all. We've gone through some rough patch. Some real rough patch. It was normal and abnormal all simultaneously but I guess it was the way to go. It had to happen to give way to all love, happiness, friendship and all better things.  G. Toengi / Dina Bonnevie levels! Mommy at Orchard Road, Singapore, 2010 You are one of the coolest people I know, whose temperament is kind of odd but if known better can easily be get along with. I didn't know that until I have become a older. I grew up distant literally and figuratively and we both know that but I knew you did and still doing your part to make up for some lost years. I say, it's not yet too late to get to know you and you get to know me. There will always be a good timing, a right time for everything.  I know you aren't that showy or that cheesy, that's just how you are and that's totally fine. But looking at the bigger pic

I was born on a summer; on an earth day, and considered youngest of the two (2) Hostalero children. I am a daughter to a witty and intelligent mother and to an overall artist father; and a lucky/blessed (understatement) granddaughter to the wonderful grandparents, Luis and Teresita. I'm a 90s kid who grew up before the internet took over and flash out, who experienced a normal and fun childhood of playing outside with classmates, cousins and neighborhood friends and who made one of the very important life choices of skipping naps in the afternoon. Nostalgic as it may seem, I can reminisce playing and owning it up to Family Computer, PlayStation 1 (until the latest console), Black and White Gameboy to Gameboy Color and a lot of Personal Computer games and Word Arts with a dial-up internet connection among other 90s things. I had a perfect childhood. Of course, there have been some bumps. Growing up with unusual family setup, smashed heart, failures and rejections, I guess it hon

The Sunday had a lot going... especially SM Mall of Asia. It seemed that everyone in Metro Manila was present there because of the multiple events happening all at once - The Best of Anime 2016, Manila International Book Fair and SALE SALE SALE SALE and a lot more SALE. So, we thought UAAP game is at MOA Arena as well. Or Ross thought. Hahaha! The story was: early last week we have decided to visit Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) on weekend. Ross and his team had an exhibit during the fair that kept him busy the whole week so we are in support of such, we did visit. I had a good time seeing and smelling a lot of books. I've never been to heaven but it felt like one. Haha! So... as the weekend was approaching and it's UAAP season, Ross asked me if I want to watch a UAAP game on Sunday (FEU vs. UE). I said yes. I do. (Which he thought will be in MOA Arena too. I'm not updated about schedules and venues so I didn't check and I don't felt the need that I have to

Wow. I'm back here! It feels like home huh?! I haven't been lazy though, just busy and sleepy at most times. August has been great and it couldn't get any better. I guess, I've worked hard enough to deserve some happiness. Trading my soul worked out just fine. I kid. Hehe. The past weeks have taught me to finally accept that I'm an adult and there's nothing else I can do or say that will turn the reality upside down. I can't deny it anymore, ok fine. It feels good though because there are a lot of things I've learned along the way; by which I learned the hard way if I may just say. Since I'm not hesitant with this whole adulting anymore, it came with a good prize. Remember when I told universe that I have given up on love and I don't want to haggle anymore? Yeah right! The universe made me swallow that whole and I couldn't be any happier. I guess, you just have to keep a little faith on fate and definitely on yourself. Nothing really

One of those days, can I just say? I slept 12mn last night right after fixing the electric fan. By which, my fault why it was broken and needed fixing at the very first place. So, I have accepted that. And the best thing that I can do is to fix it first and think carefully if I should purchase a new one. It's still working, though. Just needed a little love and care when using. *** My apartment is located at the top floor of the building. From here, I can see QC, Makati, and Ortigas (if my brain locator is working, right). What a good sight to see especially at night when it's dark and lights are turned on. It looks like it's going to rain and I feel sad everytime it happens. There's something about rain that makes me so melancholic deep inside wherever I am. Maybe because I'm a summer baby - was born in one of the hottest months (PH-based, of course). I don't know if I feel empty or bored, either way it starting to get the best of me. This could be one

Bagong buhay. Bagong pag-asa. Bagong bubunuin para makarating kung saan man papunta. Subok lang ng subok. Hindi sumusuko. Dahil pag sumuko, paano na? Ganun naman. Ganun lang ang buhay, ang mundo, pasaan pa ay magugunaw din naman kaya enjoy lang. Speaking of bagong buhay, nagsimula na ang road to bagong buhay (well, lagi naman nag-uumpisa. Nakailang bagong buhay na ko, sabi ko. Pero ganun yon. Walang sukuan!). Ang welcoming committee nito ay medical . Karimarimarim na kaba lang naman ang inabot ko. Last week, I was asked to submit medical results - check-up time! So bago pa man yun, kinakabahan na ko. Though alam ko naman na wala akong sakit or anything, except siguro sa masakit ang tuhod ko at may sipon ako na very slight. 'Di naman malubha, diba? Proud na proud si Miss Constipated 2016 dahil nakapagdala ng stool sample (kung paano ko nagawa ang lahat ng involved dun ay wag na natin pag-usapan), nagpigil ng ihi for 30 minutes para sa urine sample, kinaya ang blood extraction ng h

Manila, Philippines | July 2016 Kung hindi ka na babalik, ayos lang naman. Siguro. Siguro sa dami ng mga salitang nasabi at hindi nasabi Siguro sa dami ng mga bagay na naramdaman at hindi naramdaman Siguro hindi na magbabago, sadyang hanggang duon lang tayo.  Kung hindi ka na babalik, mag-ingat ka.  Ingat ka sa mundong sadyang malupit baka madapa ka Ingat ka sa muli mong pagbangon sa mga oras na lugmok ka Ingat ka sa bago mong landas at maging masaya ka.  Kung hindi ka na babalik, maalala mo pa rin sana Ang bawat kuwento at salita habang nakasandal sa dingding Ang bawat galaw, tingin, at tunog ng tawa na minsa'y naging bahagi din  Ang pakiramdam sa mga sandaling hindi atin ngunit hindi rin naman sakanila.  Kung hindi ka na babalik, hayaan mo akong lumuha. Hayaan mo na ilabas ko sa mundo ang pagtanggap sa paglisan mo Hayaan mo na malungkot ako dahil wala ka na Hayaan mo na damdamin ko ang posibilidad na hindi ka na nga babalik Kung hind

I remember when I was young and looking up to you – and to all the things that you do. I get reminded when I’m in here, a little bit older, still looking up to you – and to all the things that you do. I’m so much skillful now than when I was eight but I still need you because you’re so much skillful now than when you were forty nine. I feel lost from time to time and I came to the realization each time that it’s part of growing up because you told me so. Maybe it really is true – that it’s part of maturing; or maybe you told me that because you don’t want me to feel bad about feeling lost, and you’re trying to make it sound like it’s just normal and I should just dig it in and continue. You were working in an office and you were pretty great on what you do as you provide me a great shelter, nice clothes, compelling education, and unconditional love. You were always there for me, you still are, even at times when even I, wasn’t there for you, and wasn’t even there for myself ei

Photo from the Philippine Star (internet photo) November 6, 2013 was indeed memorable to the whole Philippines; the kind of memory that was far behind the good light and was way too painful to be remembered as Typhoon Yolanda (internationally named Typhoon Haiyan) a category 5 Super Typhoon hit the Philippines, particularly affected Tacloban City, Leyte. It devastated over 14 million people and 41% of it were children. More than 1 million homes were destroyed during the typhoon; 50 to 90% of the overall reported damage were health facilities and approximately 90% of schools and building have been impaired. The country mourned for all the people who died, families who got broken, and children who have been left behind. Some families were not able to be found, some of their members found dead and other were still reportedly harmed during the devastation. The Philippine Government, its agencies, non-government organizations and even international agencies and groups sent their he

"The people who let me down will never ever be the same people who will lift me back up. So tell me, how are you going to lift me high up there? How are you different? In the first place, you did the exact same thing just like what everyone did - leave."

Gray areas. That's what we had. All of a sudden, I've become hopeful in life. I was grateful to the universe that you came along, but disappointed that you came only to shatter me back to pieces I believed I was done acing.  In the last three years, I'm not in any way thinking about relationships anymore and I never did commit again. Then you came and vouched for me to open up my heart once again. I was hesitant but then I gave in believing that somehow I deserve this. I was happy that finally somebody took the courage and bravery to take on the lead and get me out of my old life setup - not that I'm not happy, but at least somebody was willing to make me happier, or so I thought. Somebody made me realize that, in a way, I needed somebody. All of those, I thought, were for the better. They were. In all fairness. But something was strange. I didn't ask nor I annoy for something I knew the answers to - what are we; who are we; and, what are we for each other.

Manila, Philippines (c) Shainne Hostalero Sa bawat panahon na kasama kita, gusto ko sabihin sayo kung gaano ka kaimportante sakin Kung gaano ako kasaya kahit walang salitang lalabas sa ating bibig, ito'y hindi maipapaliwanag Sa pagdating mo, tila lahat ay nag-iba Ang dating malungkot na ako ay wala na, dahil sa pag lusong mo sa dagat ng aking buhay Napakaraming salita ang gusto ko iyong malaman Naparakaraming bagay na gusto ko ibahagi sa iyo Ang lahat ng aking lungkot, lumbay, galit, at lalo na ang saya, gusto ko sana ang mga ito ay maipadama Sa pagdating mo, ang luha ay naging ngiti Sa mga patlang sa aking pangungusap, ikaw ang sagot na salita Sa mga ilaw ay ikaw ang liwanag Sa bahaghari, ikaw ang kulay Sa aking lumbay, ikaw ang saya Lahat ng ito ay puno ng galak Lahat ng ito ay puno ng pag-ibig para sa iyo Tila ba naalis ang mga balakid Tila ba nasagot ang mga tanong Ngunit sa pagtakbo ng oras, ay pagtakbo din ng pagbabago Pili

Collaboration with Japan's teamLab will open a new world of imaginative play in Singapore Singapore (2 February, 2016) - Come 12 March, ArtScience Museum will unveil its first ever permanent exhibition to the public - a futuristic world of high-tech artworks and interactive digital experiences.  The landmark exhibition is a collaboration with teamLab, a globally renowned Japanese group of ultra-technologists and multi-award winning art collective. This major initiative marks a new chapter in the evolution of ArtScience Museum, which has explored the intersection between art, science and technology in Singapore for the last five years. It is also teamLab's first and largest permanent exhibition.  The gallery will showcase works in the genre of digital art and is set to transform the landscape of contemporary art exhibitions in Singapore. Conceived as a dynamic, flexible, media-driven show, the exhibition will continue to be refreshed over time, as the fields of