Never be the same

It's raining outside, and actually pouring gallons and gallons of rain water inside me. It's early in the morning, the requirement is to start the day so right. Well, I guess, this is right for me.
(I've been checking myself everyday if I'm doing good or if I'm just pretending to be one.)

The unforeseen events were evil, then with that, I did not know how to handle the shenanigans of life. For now, I could say I'm okay, though, I can't help but to think about those stuff that I really wanted to be on their perfect time and place before. I think the world did the right thing for them as well as for me.. 'cause if not, maybe I'm not smarter and stronger than I am today.

It's already November, it's been a year since the journey of pretending and complicated to be "us" started (and actually over). I thought I was happy, actually I've been happy, really really happy.. during the first 5 to 6 months or so. Perhaps, there's really no "us" but those fake 'i love you', 'I miss you,' 'I wish you were here,' and the like really got me. I'm turning blue each day, since then I have started to understand more of the situation and I have started to go on with my life, of course, without you in it.

Moving on and letting go weren't really hard after all. Because from the very start I already know, wherever the situation will take me I can divert all my interests to something really special and worthy of the time and effort. BUT seeing you on almost everywhere was really the badass of the phase. On the other hand, life taught me to accept things, that every moment matters especially when it's hurting you, because it can teach you a lot of lesson. Lessons are life's greatest souvenirs.

One time, I found myself thinking that what if.. one day I will get the chance to see you again, unexpectedly.. what should be the take to this? What should I do? Should I avoid you or should I say hi? Then, the bitterness blew out.. the first thought was to let you see how great I am today that I will just avoid you but I will let you know I'm doing good and doing actually so fine since you left me without prior notice. On the other note, I can't do that. I'm not a badass like the scene before, maybe I'm not really a crap. I came to realize those things and bursted into laughter because I know all of those were hella stupid. So, I came up with a good scene, if ever I will get the chance to see you again, I would definitely say hi or hello.. I know this could help me to test if I'm okay or if I'm really moved on, I know my heart and my mind will be at peace.

I would definitely want to load you with lots of 'how are you?' and 'hi, hello' scenes.. I know I can do it yet the time and effort will just be allotted to the 'how are you? Hi, hello' situations, succeeding scenes won't matter to me anymore.. because I will never be the same if we ever meet again.


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