For the past 300+ days of the year 2015, there are just so many things I've learned and things I've conquered. Truth be told I grew wiser, stronger, and I've learned not to settle for anything less like I've used to (just because I'm afraid to lose some).

Losing things and people are hard to bear, especially if they have been part of you for quite some time. But as I course through the year, I've learned that it is necessary or even a requirement to let go of these toxins that caused me so much hassle. I tried to keep them. I really tried so hard. I did and I was able to but then it didn't get me any happier. It was just to compensate that they are still there and I didn't lose them - not just yet.

I've lost them before I even admit it to myself. I've lost them not because I didn't take good care of them but because their roles in my life are finally over - even though they have been considered a mainstay - and so I thought. And that where it sink in, there's no permanent in this world, no matter how it feels like it.

At first, I've tried to decipher and fixed it then it came unto me that I can't control everything and it was already enough that they have caused me that specific hassle. And I've known that being too available will not save anything. Friendship, like any other romantic relationships, is a two-way street. You can't go cruising just by yourself. It is and it will always be, and it should be... give and take.

I was thinking if I took or gave too much. I guess, I won't get around pissed off if I was on the 'took' phase. Also, I've realized my mistake was: I was too available to people who need me; then they took me for granted because they sure know I will flex and/or I will adjust - for some other plan, for some other schedule. It did hit me. I was so keen about time being wasted; and I was surrounded with people whose traits were otherwise. So I went on my road - the path where I know I will be happy taking with the healthy relationships I have with people still in my life. I don't want to look back anymore to that point in time because I've told myself that this toxicity I feel that has been going on for too long should have put to a stop.

To the people who will be left in my 2015, I wish you all nothing but the best and may the lesson of this ponder upon you. May you find the happiness and the courage to go on with your lives with integrity, dignity and a kind heart. We may not be in touch with each other anymore but you will always be part of those years I spent happily back then. 2016 will come without you anymore. That maybe in my part you were the ill one, and thus, perhaps, on your part I was the toxin; but no matter which side is right, let's be happy to eliminate these toxins once and for all. This is not just for ourselves but for the future encounters with the 'future' people who deserve more our precious time and efforts.

Thank you and goodbye.


Popular Posts