Whether it's good or bad...

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I'm on the verge of something I don't know. I'm quite busy but still there's a lot of thinking going through my head (which I don't expect, cause the hell yeah, I'm busy) and as per that, I know that it isn't good; that I shouldn't feel like this.

I'm trying to hook up with the goodness of life, though I know it's good already; but I just couldn't stop thinking what could actually happen if it will turn out something I have really wanted ever since. I don't have a hold with the world, it's rotating phase and all other stuff that makes it go round and round everytime, but still I want to know the answer to each whys, hows, whats and wheres or perhaps the sh*ts of what ifs, buts and the greatness of each 'oh, come on!'

I always thought I could handle each trials and challenges (Haha! I still could). Maybe I'm just overthinking, and I know that overthinking is indeed a biotch. It creates a problem that isn't there at the very first place, then you'll be paranoid about it and boom! It ruins you... slowly... and that makes it too painful to absorb.

I should stop all the shenanigans in my life. I got this really different from now, and I hope I could be successful about starting all over again, (and I'm thinking now if I can survive, drinking shenanigans please cooperate. Teehee) I try to sweat all my feelings, all hang ups (if there's any), all sadness (if it's not yet overrated) and all failures (which I enjoy and makes me cry at the same time). My life now is definitely enticing, it has a lot of twists and turns which drives me crazy at some point, yet I still can't figure it out that 'something' I'm on the edge for.

I realize that I don't want to figure whatever it is now. Whatever happens, happens, and I think it's enough to have something to ponder on whether it's good or bad.



Paperthin Hymn by Anberlin


"I thought you said forever, over and over
A sleepless night becomes better oblivion
These thoughts run through my head, over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends"

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