Dear anak

Dear anak,

First and foremost, I want to say sorry for putting you in this kind of situation wherein you don't even have a choice. I'm sorry, I was calling the shots anak. You just don't have any idea how much I needed an alliance to help me on all of these, on what we should do in our lives right now. I'm not always right and I won't always be either.

You are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and no matter how hard it is and will be, I promise that I will just be here for you. I will teach you lessons in life that will help you get through tough times and appreciate the good times. Anak, I won't give you everything you want but I will surely give everything you need. I want us to live in modest means so you'd know how to appreciate even the little things in life. I won't spoil you with material things but I will spoil you with love, care and understanding. I'm sorry anak if you won't be the first choice of some people, but I promise you that you will always be my first and only choice because mama knows how hard it is to receive second-hand and even third-hand kind of love. I know how it feels to be the last option, to be expected to patch everything in someone's life even I deserve a brand new story. I know how it feels knowing that when it comes to worse we will be let go, we are not the choice that they will make. We will always come not even second, perhaps third, fourth or might even the last for that matter but I want you to know that you have me, you will always have me anak.

Maybe this is good so you'd know that everything is not about winning, but about loving and understanding. Maybe this is for the better so we both can appreciate what we have afar from those material things. I won't craft your future, I want you do it on your own. What I can just give you are weapons and tools on how to stay and survive the game, but the strategy is yours anak. This is your life, not mine. I want you to be equipped of everything you need so you can be independent, you can stand on your own, you can protect yourself from things, from people who will try to hurt you. This is so you know how to give yourself love even when others can't give it to you. What I just want is for you to be respectful. Show respect to people, use 'po' and 'opo' and always answer enthusiastically. Be sociable, get to know a lot of people, anak. Talk to them, observe, have fun, and explore. Don't bury yourself in a corner, be happy being with people. Laugh hard. Love unconditionally. Be smart. I don't wish for you to be intelligent but I want you to be smart; this can get you through house chores, school works, friendships, relationships and life in general.

I want you to enjoy your childhood. Play outside, get dirty, get bruises, laugh hard, cry hard, and enjoy. Explore art, try sports, be idle at times if you want to. Read books, color the walls, write everything you want. I'll try my very best for you to experience everything so you are equipped with lessons, trivias, and tools of childhood that you will carry through as you become a teenager and eventually an adult. I'm not wishing you to be the best of everything, I just want you to grow with obedience, integrity and dignity that in whatsoever you do, you do it because it is right even if the majority say otherwise.

I'm sorry anak if you have to carry all of these with me but later on life you will understand why and why I had to, why we had to. Always remember that we are happy to have you even if you are still a tiny bun inside mama's oven. I can't wait to see you and spend my everyday with you. I know you will give me headaches and heartaches unintentionally or even intentionally but let's try for you to be a good person. I'm not forcing you to be perfect, no one is anak, even I. I just want you to be kind and understanding, loving and principled.

There are so many more things I want to tell you but words cannot fathom it. I hope you can feel my love and care; that everything I do and will do is for you. In this life, we might not be the first, the second, or even the third choice of some, but for me there's no other choice or option except you.

I love you so much anak. Everytime. Everyday. Forever.

Love,

Mama

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