To the man who loves me

Dear You,

I know you've had your rough times with me at an early time and I tell you, there will be more of that in the days to come.

I'd like to let you know that it's hard to be with me. I function on my own, and for the longest time, I have lived my life on my own, for my own. But that doesn't mean I don't have the ability to love someone. I have so much love to give. So much love that has been put to reserve in such long due to: lack of faith, hurt, hate, and so on. I have come to realize that I should hope and believe again; and here we are.

I'm the person who always has an answer to everything; or if not an answer, an opinion, perhaps? I see things as they are and sometimes I tend to see deeper; I tend to see more. Both can be an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time.

This is me giving you heads up of what you've signed up for. I'm not easy and never I will be. But for you I can flex, compromise, and understand more than I could right now. I'd like to see how this will take off, how you will love me, how you will do things for me even if I don't tell you, and how you will just stay by my side in spite of.

Initiatives are important to me. I don't need you to write down words for me to make me feel valued and alive. I just need to know that each word you can't verbalize are words that you want to tell me. I'd like to hear things; but I'd like to feel them more.

I know this journey won't be easy but I assure you it's going to be worth it. I have hopes for the future and forgive me if sometimes I don't hope much - it's simply my defense because I don't want to get hurt again; because every hurt I can feel is less for myself and whom I can be; and by the time it happens, it'll be hard for me to give you more the love you truly deserve. I have to take care of myself to take care of you. I have to love myself to love you. I have to be with for myself to make you happy. I can only give the things I have. I can't give things I don't have on-hand. You deserve it. We all do.

I want you to know that nothing's ever come easy; and I'd like to open up that I can feel strong emotions too. I'd like you to be there while I'm reaching my dreams; and I'd like to be there while you're reaching yours, too. I value my work, my craft and my passions. Advance apologies if sometimes you'll feel that I value them more than you. It's not the case though. It's just the fact that I have worked hard enough (and still working hard) to be the person I am right now and to be the person I want to be. Because of all these, I'm the person you love at the very first place. I'm like this when we started and I will be more than this as we continue... and yes, I want you to be part of it; the same goes with me anyway.

It's hard to be with me and sometimes you will fail to understand, I'm sure. I am myself's best critic. And maybe you can be too, and I can be your's as well. It'll be a stormy ride at some point, but I hope each and every storm can be surpassed by our team.

May you be stronger when I am weak.
May you be the happier tree when I am a sad forest.
May you be my eyes when I couldn't see.
May you be my better half when I am no better.
May you be the smile in my every frown.
And may you be the love when my world is down.

Love,

Shainne

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