When you have found and lost something, have repeated that cycle for several times and finally stick to the 'found,' you definitely want to cut all modes and reasons why the universe should not need to proceed to turning it upside down again.
You will do all sort of things to blunder why you are deserving for that single 'thing' or 'person' you can be grateful for the rest of your life. And you might say the battle still continues or the battle is yet to begin again. But you know that it's not a battle, it's not a war, and you can't even identify it entirely, what it really is puzzles you. None of those words you know might be suitable for the gesture.
You'd like to think that there's really something wrong with you, still. You will blame yourself again and again and you will lose your self-worth one more freakin' time. You don't want to, of course. You can't help but think, that one day you'll wake up and the universe conspire against you, for the nth time.
You'd like to think that it's out of your control and there's nothing you can do to control everything. One thing that you just need is to let everything and anything happen, especially with those things that you really can't control no matter how good your super powers are. If they will let you slip away, so be it. It will hurt you, it will make you cry until there's nothing left for you to let out but none of those will let you have a grip of.
You look at everything you missed. You look at every moment you found yourself happy and sad. You close your eyes and you let it all in. You cry the tears of your heart. You feel the coldness of your bones. You want to crawl back to everything you had, but you just couldn't. It's not possible.
For now, just sit. Do your thing. Let it all happen if it's going to happen.
When you are afraid, trust HIM.
"Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them." - Paulo Coelho